Will Lawrence
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Ninjy Cantrell Connects
Cantrell struck twice yesterday on a couple birds that had been giving me
fits since last Friday. Felt good to sleep in this a.m. But back after 'em
in the morning. Those of you waiting on opening day, I feel for you. I'm
already showing effects of sleep deprivation and I have at least 5 more
weeks to go. Blood loss to mosquitoes is taking its toll as well, thinking
I'll tote 2 thermacells & bugspray tomorrow. Looking forward to ninja
updates as more seasons get cranked up soon. Till then...keep it moist.
Jay Cantrell
Hart tells teh story on Lalich..
morning. Like you Ninja Cantrell, the SC mosquitoes sucked no less than a
Mason jar full of my blood from my shoulders last night. I think this
year's breed of skeeters is inhaling the Thermacell smoke the way a Jamaican
inhales ganja smoke.
Back to the story: After an hour of working a non-gobbling field gobbler
with two hens this morning, Lalich decided to stand up, step around a bush
and whack this softball headed joker at 50+ yards. He threw up his gun as
if he was shooting a passing duck.
Watching him from 20 yards behind, I thought Lalich was shooting out of
disgust. After the shot, Lalich turned around and said (very matter of fact
like) "He's dead". Not a traditional Tom Kelly kill, but he got to ride in
the truck until Lalich so graciously donated him to a local intoxicated
native named Isaac. Outside of the cool picture Lalich took with the Isaac
I was a little confused why he was giving away such a tasty bird. I'm pretty
sure his med-school wife doesn't know how to cook a turkey outside of a
Butterball. But, one day she will probably make enough money to buy a full
time cook so Lalich's generous donation will probably appease the turkey
gods the way a good shot of 101 will.
Keep your eye on the spur,
Ninja Hart
Lalich Swings the Sword....and CONNECTS
Well gentlemen, forgive me for the late response. Work has been wide ass open and turkey season is here, so I have been burning the candle at both ends. I have not had the all time life record success as Boozer, I think he made a deal with devil, but I have sent two 3 year old birds to heaven. The first was what Hart refers to as a "traditional" hunt, where the seasoned veteran was upended at 9 steps. The 2nd bird we had spotted and decided to pull the "Mohican Sneakin' " to set up 125 yards from the gobbler and his bitches. Half an hour into the hunt after calling and even gobbling, I decided to see if he was still there. I eased around and spotted his neon white head in full strut close to his hizzzooes, 85 yards or so away from the Ninjas. Well earlier in the morning I had to answer 3 calls from Senator Grahams office, due to some urgent matters they are helping me resolve. I literally had 3 conversations while sitting at the base of a tree, unconventional would be putting it mildly. I had numerous emails, calls, and so on that were truly beginning to pile up. At the hour mark I told Hart that I would ease over and see if they were still there, closer, further, or gone. Well my initial take from glassing the hedgerow and field was that they were gone, and I saw his fan in the thicket leaving at 160 yards. Son of a bitch, I turned to Hart and gave him a shrug and look conveying the sentiment that we just wasted an hour and I don't know why we suck. I took 3 more steps to see if he may be hugging the hedgerow so tightly that I couldn't see him, BAM, there he is with his little hookers. He stuck his head up to what appeared a yard off of the ground. I didn't jerk, hesitate, contemplate, or just stand there. I shouldered the gun as though a woodie was coming over the top of some cypress trees and just shot instinctively, good night Irene. No, it was not the most conventional way nor comparable to what Tom Kelly would depict in one of his illustrious books. But it was the reality of a modern day turkey hunter being pulled by work commitments and his insatiable appetite to just chase this glorious bird, it was just time to make it happen and go on with the work day. In regards to my altruistic nature and the gifting of my mid-morning prize, my brother Isaac knows that nothing goes better with a Colt 45 than a wild turkey and I was not going to deny him one of life's greatest pleasures. I was in the Lowcountry hunting turkeys with a good buddy, smoked a turkey in a rather unique non-chalant manner, ate lunch at the Glass Onion, and got all of my work tasks completed. Life is grand and I sure as hell don't deserve it to be this good. Keeping real in the 843, peace out Ninjas.
Michael Todd Lalich
Thursday, March 15, 2012
AS Many of the NINJAS Start the Season TODAY, and others have started in last few days, i bring you, THE MANIFESTO
As you all well know the season lurks. It lurks like a thief in the night. It lurks like a serpent in the grass. It lurks like Eustace Winn over a drunk girl’s unconscious body. As the season draws nearer I would like to remind all that now is not the time to let up in any way. You should not speak to another human being unless it be a fellow blood brother. You should be totally silent to your wives, girlfriends, or friends who do not understand the obsession. Do not let your mind slip into any thought other than thoughts of his majesty gobbling so hard it makes your pecker stand up and whistle. How you go about disciplining yourself in preparation for the most glorious days of the year is up to you as long as you don’t cheat yourself. Do whatever it takes to stay strong and keep your eye on the spur. One month before season I become “turkey ninja.” Turkey Ninja speaks to no one other than his blood brothers. His fiancé is forced to sit in silence as he struts up and down the sofa in his loin cloth hacking on his box call or hailing magnificent trumpet like yelps from one of his many tube calls. The Turkey Ninja does not smile….ever. The only instance in which he may possibly smile is if he sees another blood brother. The turkey ninja eats only the finest nuts and berries and lots of red meat. He does not eat yogurt….ever. If a lesser mortal asks him if he is ready for turkey season, he double legs them to the ground and stuffs his balls in their mouth until they choke to death. The turkey ninja is all business. When he takes a crap, the only literature that he reads is Turkeys and Turkey Hunting, Turkey Call, Midwest Turkey Calls catalog, or NWTF newsletter. He then wipes his ass with the despicable pages of Buckmasters and Delta Waterfowl….fuck em. The turkey ninja wears his camo all day, every day…including his facemask and gloves. If you find the turkey ninja’s actions inappropriate or unruly then keep your thoughts to yourself. For if the ninja hears negative remarks he will pattern his Remington Premier Magnum #5s on the turkey target he just pasted to your ass cheeks. In closing, I pray that each of you find the turkey ninja within yourself and never lose sight of it. I have attached a photo of the turkey ninja before church last Sunday…..yes, he even wears this to church. Hopefully, this will keep each of you motivated to stay true to your inner spirit. Until March 15th, keep it moist. Niggols
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